I’m a Very Important Person
I park in the V. I. P
And when I go to the bathroom,
I go in the V. I. P toilet
And when I wanna change a lightbulb,
I don’t do it myself… Oooohhh no…
I have a technician
Cause I’m a V. I. P
I’m a V. I. P
I’m a V. I. P
I’m a V. I. P
Now, as I began to become a V. I. P,
I forgot what I’ve become a V. I. P for
I began to grow accustomed to people saying
“Right this way sir…drinks are on the house…”
Flight attendants on airplanes saying:
“Please… Really, I don’t wanna bother you sir, but it’s such a pleasure to have you on board.
May I have your autograph for my daughter? “
“Yeah baby right after I go to the toilet
I i’ll give you a couple of’em
Cause I’m a V. I. P! “
Now, one thing about V. I. P is, is they never seem to be alone
Ooohh no!
The “true” V. I. P must travel with an entourage!
People who say “Right on boss”
Cause it’s a V. I. P!
Right on boss
I’m a V. I. P!
As I began to realise that I had gained V. I. P status,
Worries began to creep in
What if one day, I woke up, and I was no longer a V. I. P?
No more good tables at the restaurants…
No more strange women smiling and approaching me on the streets…
No more top notch booty
No more entourage to say “Right boss”
I began to have nightmares
And in my nightmares, I was just a fucking nobody.
Laying at the beach, imagining myself being a vip!
Just like I was before…
Hearing the applause in my head
Beautiful warm embraces of superior members of the female gender…
V. I. P
V. I. P
Of course, when one becomes a V. I. P,
One meets other V. I. Ps
At social occasions…
And one inevitably thinks:
“thck! How shallow and crass these people are!
They’re not down to earth and real like me…
Oooohhh no! I’m a very special V. I. P”
Another interesting phenomenon, associated with V. I. P celebrityhood, is the “V.I.P reflection effect”, during which anyone associated with the V. I. P, becomes a sort of V. I. P in their own right! Such as “son OF the V.I.P”,
“guitar player FOR the V.I.P”,
“girlfriend WITH the V.I.P”,
“accountants of the V.I.P”
The maid, the dog, the music publisher… Huh!
All enjoy a sort of ‘reflected glory’, as in..
“Hi this is Nastea
I work for Iggy
And I’d like 6 tables tonight in the V. I. P section
And he needs passes for everyone
And free drinks of course
In the V. I. P area”
Right on boss
Cause I’m a V. I. P.
It’s also true that when one is a V. I. P, everybody’s happy to see you… All the time!
And there’s an implicit rule that a V. I. P must never- never
Be on a barn.
Cause everybody expects you to make their day
And they’re all be on to you if you’re in a bad mood.
They will “thck!tchk!tchk ! mur mur mur mur mur!”,
And you will find yourself with the wrong kind of attention:
A “difficult” V. I. P.
Psychologists tell us that a sense of self-esteem
Is so necessary in today’s world.
As a V. I. P, I can guarantee you, you’ll never be alone.
You’ll never be alone.
Cause you’re a V. I. P!