[Student:]
Hello?
[Teacher:]
I’m a musical teacher
And I’m here to spread some knowledge
I can make you really smart
So your dumb ass can go to college
Math, English, Science, Spanish, Sexual Education
World Wars, Algebra, Shakespeare and condensation
[Student:]
Why am I the only person here?
[Teacher:]
Don’t be a bitch
Have no fear
I’m going to teach you so much shit
You couldn’t learn in a year
[Student:]
This is ridiculous
[Teacher:]
Ridiculous, periculous, meticulous
These are all adjectives
See grammar is limitless
[Student:]
Okay I get it
Could we just start
[Teacher:]
If you really want to take my class
Then you have to sing or I’m afraid you won’t pass
[Student:]
I’m not singing
[Teacher:]
Oh, that answer makes me very sad
Cause I’m gonna have to call your mom and dad
[Student:]
Are you serious?
[Teacher:]
Fuck, fuck, yes
[Student:]
Why?
[Teacher:]
I’m your teacher and I know what’s best
[Student:]
Okay man, are you happy now?
[Teacher:]
Holy cow
[Student:]
It seems like you got me to sing somehow
Please get on with this class
Cause you’re really really starting to be a pain in my ass
[Teacher:]
I’m telling you that learning is fun
You’ll be the smartest mother fucker in the world when I’m done
[Student:]
How?
[Teacher:]
Knowledge is power
[Student:]
Sorry for being sour
[Teacher:]
I got a whole hour
[Student:]
You can’t convince me that
[Both:]
Learning is fun fun fun fun fun fun fun
Fun fun fun fun
Learning is really fucking fun fun fun fun
Fun fun fun fun
Fun fun fun fun fun fun
Really really really fucking fucking fun
[Student:]
All right so where do we start
[Teacher:]
Let’s talk about World War II
[Student:]
Was it cool?
[Teacher:]
It was a really really really shitty time to be a Jew
The year was 1932
[Student:]
What happened?
[Teacher:]
When Hitler came to power and he acted like a douche
Pearl Harbor was attacked in ’41
[Student:]
That sucks
[Teacher:]
Then a couple weeks later, USA joined the fun
The whole damn world began shooting one another
[Student:]
Shit
[Teacher:]
Shit is right
Let’s be nice to each other
[Student:]
So why should I care about this World War stuff?
[Teacher:]
Cause if we make the same mistakes
Then shit would really really suck
[Student:]
I’m just happy that we’re no longer in 1932
[Teacher:]
I’m just glad we don’t have Hitler
Cause damn
[Both:]
He was such a freakin douche
Douchy douche douche
Douchy douchy douche douch
Douche douchy douche douche
Douchy douche douche
Hitler was a douche
Douchy douche douche
Douchy douchy douche douche
Douche douchy douche douche
Douchy douche douche
Hitler was a douche
[Teacher:]
If I take this tube of weird blue shit
And I put this red stuff inside of it
Well then wow
[Student:]
Whoa
[Teacher:]
There you go
[Student:]
Was that a chemical reaction?
[Teacher:]
Yup
Science is dope
[Student:]
I guess
[Teacher:]
Take this can of flammable shit
And combine it with this lighter
I can make shit lit baby
Boom
[Student:]
What the hell?
[Teacher:]
Now, wasn’t that swell?
I’ll tell you man
Science can be cool as hell
Science is cool, yeah
[Both:]
Science is cool
I said science is cool, yeah
Science is cool
Science is cool, yeah
Science is cool
I said science is cool, yeah
Science is cool
[Student:]
Yeah
That was weird
[Teacher:]
Math is the shit
Because it’s always all around you
Numbers, calculations and equations will astound you
Two times two is
[Student:]
Four
[Teacher:]
And my ex-girlfriend is a whore
But it’s cool
Ten minus seven is
[Student:]
Three
[Teacher:]
And that was my age when my dad left me
Half of twenty is
[Student:]
Ten
[Teacher:]
You know I only have one friend
And it’s you
Five times a hundred fifty million two-hundred ninety-six thousand seven hundred ninety three is
[Student:]
Uh, I have no idea
[Teacher:]
Great
[Both:]
Math is the shit
Because it’s always all around you
Numbers, calculations and equations will astound you
Yeah
[Teacher:]
It’s time to wrap this up
I think this class is now dismissed
[Student:]
Well I don’t think that I’ve ever enjoyed learning quite like this
[Teacher:]
Man I hope that you learned something
That you never learned before
[Student:]
I learned that Hitler was a douchebag
And your girlfriend was a whore
[Both:]
We can all learn something
From a formal education
[Student:]
I think I’m ready for graduation
[Teacher:]
Actually we have a bit of a situation
[Student:]
What?
[Teacher:]
I’m not a, I’m not a real teacher
[Student:]
Wait, what?
[Teacher:]
So
[Student:]
I need this class to gradate
[Teacher:]
I’m sorry bro